Best Date in Years

Last year I went out with a 32-year-old DJ and professional gambler. Well, if you can really call what we did "going out." I would generally drive over to the coffeeshop where he likes to hang out, and he would tell me the same stories over and again. Once we went to a strip club where he was thinking of working; basically, we were there to check out the dancers. Once we saw a movie--"Transformers," do you believe it! And twice we went for a walk. Other than that, we necked a bit when I dropped him off in front of his apartment building. But he was always said something nice about how I looked every time I saw him. I can't knock that.

Other than this, I had one date all year. I actually had another scheduled, but the man stood me up. The one that did occur was with an X-ray tech. He suggested we meet at noon. I asked if this was a lunch date. He said, "No, just coffee." I got there on time, he was 20 minutes late. I had already bought my own coffee. Then he said he was hungry and was going to have lunch. I had already eaten because he had said it was not a lunch date.

So that was the full extent of dating in 2009.

Today, the third day of the new year and of the new decade, I went on a date. Armen is trim, well-dressed, the best looking man I've been out with in a long time. We met in Hermosa Beach, walked around near the ocean, then had dinner at a little Italian restaurant. Armen kept up his end of the conversation and asked me a lot of questions. He maintained good eye contact. I liked his kisses.

But always in my consciousness was dialysis. He touched my side, but since I was wearing a heavy coat, he could not feel my tubing. If I see him again, I will have to tell him about dialysis, the insulin pump, and the cardiac surgery because I'm sure he would touch or see one or the other. I really don't know how to go about this. Do I tell him over the phone when we make plans for the next date? Do I tell him in person? Do I wait until he's touching me and then say, "I've got something to tell you"?

I tend to think this will be a deal breaker with Armen. He said quite a few times during the evening that he was selfish about his time and that a wife, chidren, and pets never fit in. Someone who is so used to thinking only of himself would have a hard time with my trappings.

So anyways that was the best date I've had in years, though, of course, that isn't saying a whole lot, given the dates I've been on. But I think of what I read in a spiritual book about not thinking, "Why haven't I met the man who is matched to me?" but rather realizing that the universe is sending men my way and with each of them I can say back to the universe, "You know, this and this was really wonderful about him, but I need some more of X or less of Y in the next man you send my way." In short, don't think of the dates as failures but as opportunities to refine what I really want.

After I got home tonight, I took Rasputin for a walk. We were moving down a semi-dark alley, and I tripped over a bump in the pavement and fell. Little Rasputin came right up to me and gave me love. That's what I would like in the man who is matched to me--someone who loves me despite my boo boos.