Get to Know Me First as a Person, Not as a Dialysis Patient

I wish my friends and acquaintances would not tell their friends and acquaintances about my health. I wish they would allow me to meet their friends fresh and new, not with preconceived notions already put into their heads.

Over the last several months, I have seen this situation repeated over and over: I meet people for the first time, but they seem to know about me already. Often they ask, "How are you?" in an overly concerned way. My response is to ignore this sentiment, smile, and say, "Oh, fine. How are you doing?" Basically, treating their question as normal, polite conversation.

I wish my friends and acquaintances would allow me to make the dialysis confession to those whom I wish to know about this. I wish that instead of telling their friends in advance about "my friend Heidi, who is on dialysis," they would simply say, "Oh, my friend Heidi, who ___________________." The blank could be filled in with any of the following: is a poet; is a writer; used to teach journalism at Cal State; does massage; lives in Southern California; has a cute, little dog; is a tall, trim, good-looking blonde; is a smart cookie.

I feel that dialysis is on the level of being gay. It's the gay person's call as to whom he wishes to come out. It isn't for other people to make that determination.

I especially feel this way because, darn it, I would like a relationship some day. Telling men in advance of meeting me that I'm a dialysis patient doesn't even give them a chance to get to know me as a woman first.

But potential lovers aside, I would like everyone to get to know me as a person first. I would like to be known as fun-loving, humorous, witty, intelligent, and giving. Not just for people to think of me from the get-go as "dialysis patient."