An Ending, a Beginning

I have parted ways today with a woman with whom I have had strained relations from the get-go. We met through a mutual acquaintance a few years ago. She frequently wrote things (we communicated primarily through e-mail) that I found condescending, and I frequently wrote things that insulted her. She probably didn't mean to be condescending, and I really tried not to offend her. It's as if we spoke different languages and so didn't understand each other.

In a conversation today with my new friend and nextdoor neighbor, I realized that there is balance in the universe: one friendship ending, and a new friendship deepening. First, some background: my neighbor and her husband are Tibetan Buddhists and provide housing for a monk-friend when he is in town. We have similar political views and intellectual interests. They have a beautiful craftsman-style house and an even more beautiful backyard, a virtual paradise, complete with a fish pond. She is a reading specialist who works with ESL students, and he works with hospice patients. They have a German shephard and a parrot, so we go for walks together with Rasputin.

The first bonding experience with my neighbor was July 1, when I had the first of three paramedic visits this summer. As the paramedics carried me out, she took control of Rasputin and took care of him while I went to the ER and then to another hospital. This was a pretty dramatic scene, with my neighbor walking briskly beside the stretcher and me crying, asking her to take care of my little dog.

My new friend is one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever met. Her husband is a very good guy too--the first man Rasputin warmed up to.

This afternoon, while taking a walk with our dogs and me, my friend announced that she would like to give me one of her kidneys. I was really touched by this. She had called her doctor to see what her blood type is, but there were no records of this. I told her that she should go to the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) site and that I would give her some brochures. But most importantly, she should find out her blood type because if she's not O+, then it's a no-go.

To date, four people have offered their kidneys: Helene, my good friend in Nova Scotia; Tim Howard, a former colleague at Cal State who has become a dear friend and now lives in Sacramento; Roger Ball, my friend through letters of 20 years who lives in the California desert; and now my dear neighbor. Helene and Tim are not compatible blood types, and Roger's health is poor, plus he's a smoker.

Every time someone has offered, I've been really touched. That's so beautiful. Even the offer is amazing. All four of these offers have given me hope--hope in the transplant process and hope in humanity.

But of course I must first get on the wait list. Even if I had a compatible donor ready to go, I still would have to be approved by the transplant team. And before that can happen, I have to have the heart surgery on Oct. 30.

But back to my neighbor: I am so grateful for her friendship, the only friendship I've ever had that is renewed on almost a daily basis, if only to say hello in passing. I really like that. It sure beats seeing friends only once or twice a year, that's for sure.