A More Encompassing View of Motherhood

On this Mother's Day, my hope is that all women and their individual decisions regarding children will be honored and respected. Mothering and motherhood manifest in so many ways that go well beyond the narrow view of giving physical birth.

The woman who lovingly cares for animals or for her garden, the one who brings in homemade baked goods for her coworkers, the gal who remembers her friends' birthdays with cards and calls, the woman who has a deep connection with nature or who works for peace and justice or is a counselor, a therapist, a doctor, a nurse, an acupuncturist, a teacher, or a massage therapist--all these women manifest the loving, nurturing qualities of a good mother.

I'm sure that today many women who do not have children are feeling down. As I have often felt on Valentine's Day, they feel that everyone else but them has been invited to a huge party. Just as the unloved (at least in a romantic sense) are uninvited to the Valentine's Day party, childless women are left out of the Mother's Day celebrations, especially after their own mothers have died. Up until that time, the focus is on the women who gave birth to them, but once they're gone, the focus then shifts to themselves.

Of course, some women are happy with their decision not to have children, but others may have wanted children but never found the right person with whom to have them or were physically unable to conceive. To these women and to society as a whole, I say, Expand your notion of motherhood.

The world could certainly do with more nurturing, caring, loving, attending, healing, helping, guiding, and nourishing. And not simply from biological mothers but from everyone, female and male, of child-bearing years or not. Just think how dramatically life on this planet would change if we all went out into the world beaming love at the world as a mother beams love at her child. And if we cared about each person we met with the concern and consideration that a mother gives to her child.

If each one of us acted as good mothers every day, I can't see how we would ever tolerate the destruction of the rainforests or the drumbeat to war or the imprisonment of the innocent or the torture of the never-brought-to-trial. Also, like a mother, we would insist on punishment and correction if the world strayed. If we looked at banksters, for example, as a mother would look at a child who has committed serious wrongs, we would not allow them to continue their evil work. We would insist that they take a time-out or we'd take away all their toys and privileges. Wouldn't that be fantastic--a time-out from unchecked greed and the ungodly wealthy deprived of their toys and privileges! Now that's the kind of mothering banksters need!

So Many of my Female Friends Are Childless

As I was going through my phone list today, searching for friends to whom I could wish a happy Mother's Day, I realized that somewhere around 90 percent of my female friends don't have children. This would not be so remarkable if they were in their teens or twenties, but they're in their late 40s to late 70s.

The rate of childlessness among my friends is much higher than the norm, which now stands at 20 percent for women aged 40-44. According to a June 2010 Pew Research Center study, this is double the rate in 1970, when only one in 10 women beyond child-bearing years was childless. Granted, this study only concerns itself with biological mothers, not adoptive or stepmothers. One does not have to physically give birth to a child to be a mother, but this study only looked at those who did give birth.

As is as to be expected, women with at least a bachelor's degree are more likely to be childless than those with no college degree. For more educated women, the rate of childlessness rises from one in five overall to one in four. White women are more likely to be childless, but rates of childlessness are rising among blacks and Latinas.

One would think that a key reason for increasing rates of childlessness is society's greater tolerance of women who either cannot or choose not to have children. Surprisingly, this is not the case. According to the Pew report, although "about half the public -- 46% in a 2009 Pew Research Center poll -- say it makes no difference one way or the other that a growing share of women do not ever have children, Ssill, a notable share of Americans -- 38% in that 2009 survey -- say this trend is bad for society, an increase from 29% in a 2007 Pew Research survey."

Once again, we are a divided society. Nearly half seem to say it's no one's business but the woman's and her partner's, while almost as many feel childlessness is wrong. I am sorry that so many people feel it is their business to judge another's life path. What a wonderful day it will be when everyone will feel free to fully and completely pursue their own inner vision of their destiny, with or without children.