Unhappiness, the Unrecognized Component of America's Obesity Problem

So much is being written and pontificated about obesity these days, but something very basic is missing from the discussion. Unhappiness. People who overeat, who know they are damaging their bodies and yet continue to do so, who do not like what they see in the mirror yet can't stop contributing to the problem, must on some level be unhappy. If they felt better about themselves, they wouldn't want to be heavy, just like someone who feels good about herself makes sure she bathes every day and changes her shirt.

If Americans were happy with their lives, they wouldn't overeat. In the heart of every overweight person is someone who is not happy with who he or she is. The only exception I can think of is my friend Carol. She has been struggling with her weight for a long time, and yet she is one of the most well-adjusted people I've ever known. But then Carol is what I think of as German massage therapist heavy, the kind of woman who is solid, big-boned perhaps, but not fat. She plays golf several times a week and is in a walking group. She gets plenty of exercise and so she's toned. And she has one of the best attitudes around.

But besides Carol, I think I'm onto something. Every time I've seen an overweight person interviewed about his or her weight problem, I always get the screaming message of unhappiness. The person talks about ostracization, loneliness, feeling apart from others, and yet these issues are not addressed, only a plan to get the person to eat more sensibly.

I am a case in point. I was a fat kid. I had no friends, and so I isolated myself indoors and ate, which isolated me even more. Kids made fun of me and threw rocks at me, and so I hid away and ate. I didn't get any pleasure from eating, I just did it. Perhaps I knew on some level that this was unhealthy, and I was trying to bring about my end. Life was difficult, and I wanted out. When I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 13, I was given a dietary plan, but I received no emotional counseling, and so I simply cheated on my diet. Throughout my teens and early adulthood, I cheated, with disasterous effects on my health.

Then about eight years ago, following an extremely challenging and tumultuous time in my life, I decided to be happy. I was so sick and tired of being sad. I simply refocused my attention away from lack and problems and toward what was beautiful about my life. And I began the process by giving up coffee. My son had been working for my favorite coffeehouse, and when he was let go, I stopped going out for coffee. By giving up one harmful substance, my body became cleaner and it no longer craved other unhealthy substances. So my desire for Cheetos and candy bars and ice cream and the occasional slice of coconut cream pie from Coco's also fell away.

Simultaneously, I was finding happiness within, not looking for it outside me. From an outsider's point of view, my life is much more difficult today than it was eight years ago, but from my viewpoint, I am so much happier. Eight years ago, like now, I had no husband or boyfriend, but I perhaps had more than one date a year, as seems to be my average these days. Eight years ago, I was making more money than I am today. And eight years ago, I did not yet have heart disease and I was not on kidney dialysis. Of course, I would love to be in a healthy, passionate, fun-loving relationship with a great guy. Of course, I would love to be making more money. Of course, I would love to have a body that is completely free of disease. But my happiness is not dependent on love or money or health.

And so today I am 5'8", 145 pounds, rather than the 165 or so of eight years ago. I'm not skinny, but remember that I am always carrying about two litres (4.4 pounds) of dialysis solution. If I weren't doing dialysis, I'd probably weigh around 135, since the dialysis solution itself adds between 50 and 65 grams of carbohydrates to my intake each night.

The message I want to give all those who think they can't bear to give up junk food is this: If you quit junk food today, a month from now, after a good four weeks of eating right, you're going to wonder why you ever craved that crap. It'll be like a bad relationship; once you leave it, really leave it, you're going to shake your head, amazed at how stupid you once were. Junk food will no longer taste good. You'll really fall in love with crunchy salads and lean meat and fresh fruit. You'll turn up your nose at Big Macs. You'll no longer need your salt and sugar fix.

So, all that I'm saying is that every time I see a heavy person, I think, "There's another unhappy American." Of course, not all thin or healthy-weight persons are happy; anorexia is a clear counterexample. But except for a few Carols, I venture a guess that most of the overweight have low self-esteem. What they need is emotional counseling, not just a diet plan. Any government or nonprofit efforts to simply get people to eat healthier are doomed to failure, as low self-esteem and unhappiness cannot be cured through diet.