Like his namesake, my little Rasputin has definitely had a healing effect on me. Approximately 10 years ago, my heart was literally and figuratively broken. It is then that Mike, the big love of my life, discarded me, and it is then that I developed cardiac symptoms.
I have done my damnest to find a new boyfriend. I take care of my looks, I dress nicely, I talk with guys, I go out on every first date I'm offered, I suggest coffee for those who may be too shy to ask me, I have belonged to at least a half dozen dating sites. And yet, love has eluded me. For this past decade I have slept alone every night.
And then just this past week, Rasputin became the first creature to fall asleep with me. I was sitting in the recliner, and he rested his little head against my chest and his little body against my tummy, and we both fell asleep. So sweet. How I wish I could experience that sweet feeling with a man, that sweetness of falling asleep with someone I love.
Other times Rasputin has sat on my lap with his head over my heart, and his back legs have twitched. This made me think of how, during a massage, I will sometimes flush out the pain or the psychic junk in a client by running my hand very quickly over the troubled area, unruffling the obstruction, clearing it from the body. I feel Rasputin has been doing this for me, clearing my body, and most especially my heart, of any obstructions that have been weighing it down.
Ever since Rasputin has come to live with us, I have had no chest pain. Though the chest pain and pressure had substantially decreased since I started dialysis, they were still there, primarily when I would walk any more than a short distance. Since Rasputin, I have had no pain upon walking or exercising in any other way. In fact, my heart does not keep me from doing anything I would like to do.
What's more, for the first time in 10 years, I am able to sleep on my side. I had always been a side sleeper, but upon the onset of chest pain, I was unable to do so because this put too much weight on my heart. I had to train myself to sleep on my back. Every once in a while I would attempt to lie on my side, but I could only do this for a minute or less before the constriction became unbearable. Now I can spend the whole night on my side if I want.
My friend Araia had always told me that a dog that really loves a human can serve as a conduit for healing the human's ailments. I know this is happening. My little Rasputin is healing my heart.
