Earthquake--And I'm Alone and Hooked up to a Dialysis Machine!

A 5.0 earthquake just rattled my apartment. I could hear things falling and breaking in the kitchen and living room, but as I'm on a 12-foot leash, I can't investigate. In years gone by when a temblor struck, I would brace myself in a doorless door frame or scoot under my bed. But the only doors within 12 feet of the dialysis machine have doors, and the underside of my bed is loaded to the hilt with dialysis supplies.

So all I could do was sit still. When there's nothing that can be done, why get upset? I realize I'm in an extremely vulnerable situation, being hooked up for 10 hours every night, when it comes to quakes, fires, and any criminal who might enter my living quarters.

This evening's experience reminded me of a bicycle accident I had over a decade ago. I was making a left turn, and a car came racing around a corner into my path. The thought went through my head, "I'm going to hit that car." This acceptance brought with it a great sense of peace and surrender. I completely relaxed, which doubtless saved my life.

I felt that same kind of acceptance just now. In such a situation, I know I have only two not-such-great options--remain hooked up and vulnerable to injury or quickly disconnect in a dusty environment that would most likely cause a site infection or internal contamination. Since nothing big was falling, I simply took the experience calmly and waited for it to pass.

11th Annual Chick Cabin Weekend

Last weekend, as every third weekend of May for the past 11 years, was chick cabin weekend. An annual event in Green Valley Lake, near Big Bear, at the cabin owned by Heather's mom. Mostly it's women who knew Heather in high school or even since early elementary school. But thrown into the mix are a few gals like me who know Heather via different routes. There is a core group--Heather, the two Lisas, Dre, Kim, Debbie, and Diane. This year, Lori Ann, a firefighter in Albequeque; Kristin, whom I met as I was leaving; and Susie, who has been so encouraging in regards to me being kidney-wait listed, were also present.

Though I rarely see or talk with these gals any time except chick cabin, I feel so close to them. They are the only group of female friends I have ever known. In fact, I really haven't had too many female friends over the years, so the CCW gals are that much more special.

Last year--the big 10th annual extravaganza--I couldn't go. I was attempting a 30-day, all-liquid fast and cleanse to bring my body into health and avert dialysis. That didn't last, as I gained seven pounds of water weight in one day and became ill. Besides, my heart was taxed at sea level. I was concerned I would be unable to breathe at the cabin's 5,000-foot elevation.

So attending this year was a big deal for me. I left Long Beach around 2 on Friday afternoon. This was to be my first night away from home since beginning dialysis on Feb. 2. This was also my first experience with CAPD (continuous ambulatory peritoneal dialysis), in which I performed dialysis every six to eight hours. This didn't allow for much sleep, plus the dialysis bags were cold, so there was a bit of cramping during the fill. But it all went fine nonetheless.

About eight years ago, the Lisa who had been a professional dancer was pregnant and asked Heather and me to photograph her nude on the boulders that are scattered about this forested area. That was quite lovely, her breasts and big belly echoed in the roundness of the rocks. This began a tradition of nude photography. Some years it's only Lisa and me who photograph each other. Other years Heather joins in and perhaps Rachel, if she's around.

This year it was important for me to be photographed. Following the placement of the catheter, it took weeks for me to feel comfortable about looking in the mirror. I felt that stipping down would help my body image.

Lisa had brought scarves and a loose shirt for partial covering, but in some photos I opted to take everything off, everything, of course, but the tubing, dressing, transfer set, PD belt, and insulin pump! I guess it's impossible for me to get completely nude!

These photo sessions are so much fun! I enjoy being the photographer as much as I enjoy being the model. Of course, as Lisa is a dancer, she is adept at using her body to create sculpture-like poses.

Shown here are only a few of the tamest shots, as I'm not interested in having my breasts, my sex, and my behind for all the world to see.