After a year and a half of membership, I have canceled my match.com subscription. In all this time, I have sent "winks" and/or e-mails to about 50 men, and perhaps 30 have winked at me.
Many have written how amazing I am, how much they enjoyed what I'd written, how they had never read a more interesting profile, and in general how impressed they were with my photos and my outlook on life, and then were never heard from again. I guess they were looking for dull and conventional women because these 18 months netted me dates with only two men. One of whom made it clear from the onset that he was interested in only a platonic relationship with me. And the other who, though we've seen each other a dozen times and talked many more times on the phone, has never given me more than a close-mouthed peck. Even after I gave him an hour-and-a-half full-body massage!
So once again I am giving up. Not literally giving up, I suppose, but realizing that whatever it is that men are looking for, they must be looking for something I don't have. I go down a list of my good points and have trouble seeing what that might be: trim; tall; beautiful, blue eyes; long legs; blonde; intelligent; playful; good sense of humor; pays all my bills on time and never wracks up credit-card debt; not afraid to get dirty; slow to complain; doesn't demand gifts; eager to go camping with you; loves to dress up; enjoys sex and agreeable to all manner of crazy things in bed; doesn't mind cooking and cleaning; open to new experiences; open to new ideas; gives a great massage; a fantastic listener; someone who will be there for you when you need my support; has a beaming-to-beat-the-sun kind of smile and a wonderful laugh. My God, I'd date me! No, I'd marry me!
Over the years, I have asked many friends and male acquaintances what they think this is about. All I've ever gotten is that it could be men are intimidated by me. But that can't be it. Think of women like Michelle Obama. She's pretty terrific, and she has a great guy by her side.
The only explanation I have ever come up with on my own is this: Perhaps I am a gorgeous lace handkerchief. When men see me, they think, "That's an incredibly lovely handkerchief." And then they remember that the world no longer has use for handkerchiefs. Everyone uses Kleenex.
Mystical experiences, yearnings, politics, little dramas, poetry, kidney dialysis, insulin-dependent diabetes, and opportunities for gratitude.
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About Me
- Heidi's heart
- Southern California, United States
- Perhaps my friend Mark summed me up best when he called me "a mystical grammarian." I am quite a mix--otherworldly, ethereal and in touch with "the beyond," yet prone to being very precise and logical, when need be. Romantic in the big-canvas meaning of the word, I see the world as an adventure, as a love poem, as a realm of beauty and wonder.
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3 comments:
I got off match too. I feel your frustration. I know it can be harder for intelligent people to find mates. And I think the older we get, the slimmer the options. The more I date the more I learn why the other person is single. As for the kleenex/handkerchief analogy. I don't think that is it. I think it could be a million things depending on the guy. And I think trying to figure it out is pointless. If there is something about yourself you don't like and want to change, great. But if you are happy with who you are, then you your eventual partner will be excited to meet you.
IIRC, To be fair, I stated that fpr me, friendships last longer than most relationships. I wish to have you as a friend for life. And you have become a dear friend to me and my family. My mother loves you as a daughter and I love you as the sister I never had. You have touched our lives in a very spiritual way.
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