Now that my son moved to Pennsylvania to pursue a master's degree in art history at Penn State, I have no family in California. My nearest (in distance) and only other nuclear family member is my brother in Wisconsin, but every time I call to talk with him, he is angry. It's very difficult to be close to someone who is always angry at the world, the government, his coworkers, his neighbors, California, me. a million things. It seems as if he hates me or at least is disgusted by me.
My mother and father are dead, though my role in those relationships was that of dutiful daughter, not someone who felt welcome. Besides that, I have a bunch of cousins in Minnesota, one cousin near Seattle, and one in Northern California. These people are closer in distance, that's true, than is my brother, but they're not nuclear family members like my son and brother. I see my cousins rarely, maybe two or three times in a decade, some of them once since I was a child. Once in a while, we send emails. That's it for family.
My son was always my family. Now he's on the other side of the country.
That's why being invited to other people's family gatherings is such a novelty for me. Like last night when my friend L'Oreal asked me to her brother's BBQ. They're Italian and so they have a gathering at least every Friday night. How much fun is that!
After dinner, laughter, stories, and really bad jokes, L'Oreal, her sister-in-law-to-be, and the latter's young daughter slipped out to visit one of L'Oreal's favorite clothing boutiques. I am forever complimenting L'Oreal on her outfits. Even when she says she just "threw something on," she looks like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine.
When we got to the boutique, L'Oreal snapped into action, handing me blouses and sweaters, showing me how to layer, telling me what colors would go best with my complexion and hair. She was truly amazing! She didn't look at anything for herself. She was concentrated on finding an outfit for me.
I rarely buy clothes--or anything--new. Jeans, underwear, and hosiery--yes. But everything else is from thrift stores or yard sales. When I thought about it, I could only remember going clothes shopping with a female friend once before in my entire life. That was about 30 years ago with my friend Sharon. I bought a gray flannel suit, which I still have and still wear!
Since then, I've either shopped alone or, after I separated from my husband, with my son. We'd go thrift store shopping together. But this was a very different experience than shopping with L'Oreal was. With Aaron, he'd go off and look at the boy's or men's clothes, and I'd head for the women's section. Once in a while, we'd comment on each other's selections, but rarely would we suggest clothes for each other or model the possible purchases to each other. I can really see how it would be a lot of fun to shop with a friend--the comraderie of it, getting someone's opinion before the sale, chatting while we looked around.
I hope it won't be another 30 years before I go clothes shopping with a friend again. And anyone who wants to adopt me for an evening so that I can attend a family gathering, I am eager to accept. After all, I am an orphan! Now taking Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's invitations.
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