Even when I bring up the subjects of politics, religion, the nature of the universe, insights into human nature, science, the death of democracy, the corruption of the press, etc., I've found that women either let me talk, even when I ask for their input; seem uncomfortable and change the subject; parrot things they've heard on the radio or TV stations they listen to; or argue by personal example. There is not the give and take I have so thoroughly enjoyed with male friends over the years.
With Christan, Ken, Ed, Mark, Tony, Y, Truc, Tuyen, Rod, Jose, Othman, and son Aaron, among others, one person has presented an idea, the other has listened and added something about what he's read or what his take on the situation is, back and forth like this. He says something I hadn't considered, and I acknowledge and appreciate his insight. And the reverse is true: I say something, and he says, "Boy, I never thought of it that way!" These conversations have often gone on for hours. Give and take. By the time we finally call it quits, we both feel as if we have gained new insights and are much richer for the experience.
It's not that all my relationships with men have been purely intellectual. Of course, with several there has been sexual tension or sexual give and take. And with a few men, there has been no intellectual relationship at all to speak of, only sex.
I wonder why I have never had more than a few minutes of intellectual exchange with women. Little more than a book recommendation. Perhaps women are too sensitive. They feel that an intellectual exchange may offend others or disturb the emotional balance of the relationship. I have not found this to be the case with men. Disagreements have been easily handled with a laugh or my classic, "Ahhhhh...I don't know about that one, ___________." Of course, I can think of one man who would not answer crucial questions I had about his position, which did leave me frustrated.
This is not to say I don't like the company of women. It's as interesting to see how they negotiate the world as it is to see how men do so, or how dogs or plants do too. All these ways seem to work, so there's no reason to tinker with them.
2 comments:
good morning Heidi...quite true...i agree with you that women tend to shy away from 'intellectual' conversations and it may be that we are more self-conscious and/or afraid of being judged ???? something to talk about i suppose?
I asked my intellectual buddy of 21 years, Jose, if he had any other female IBs. He thought for a moment and said he had only had one other in his life, all the rest have been male.
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