Summer Dreams, Summer Realities

While I was on dialysis, I envisioned my life post-transplant. I saw romance and relationship coming my way, now that I would be freed of dialysis tubing, tape, gauze, and treatments. I also saw hitting the road as I did big time during the summers of 2005 and 2006 and as I did during shorter trips for decades, camping solo throughout California's deserts, mountains, forests, and coastlands.

In the early weeks following transplant, I felt so fantastic that I planned to leave Southern California in April and perhaps never return. One scenario was to head up the coast, taking my time, visiting friends in the Bay Area, seeing Oregon's Crater Lake for the first time in a quarter century, checking out Portland's intentional communities for a possible move, and spending time with my friend Araia, who lives in the wilds of northeastern Washington state. I'd then meander back south in time to move son Aaron to whichever graduate school he was going to--it now looks like Penn State. From there I'd head up to Nova Scotia to see my sweet, little cabin and my friend Helene, where I'd spend the fall, perhaps traveling to Minneapolis for the annual family reunion during the first weekend in November.

That's where plans get a little fuzzy. If I found a good fit in Portland, I'd head there. If not, I could always return to Long Beach for the winter. A friend said that I could rent a room in his house for $400 plus utilities. It's nice to have a place to land.

During the past few months, however, I have not felt like doing much. Symptoms come and go. Sometimes I'm weak and tired, other times I have respiratory problems. What's of most concern, however, are the cardiac symptoms--water retention, tightness, constriction, a feeling of oppression, sometimes pain and difficulty breathing. And then there's the fact that my meds are adjusted or meds completely dropped or others added practically every week, based on my lab results. Not sure how weekly lab results would be possible if I were on the road. Kaiser is only located in California, Oregon, Hawaii, Ohio, Georgia, and Maryland/Washington, D.C./Virginia.

The only things I can do are do as much as I can to stay as healthy as possible, maintain a fantastic attitude, and wait until the end of May to see how I'm doing. If I'm feeling great, then I'll give one month's notice to my landlord June 1. If not, I hope to be in good enough shape to move Aaron to Pennsylvania and make a foray into Nova Scotia.