Surprised I'm Alive

Yesterday I saw an orthopedic surgeon for a follow-up appointment for the hip socket I broke in March. Every step I take I can feel something poking me. This is especially acute when ascending stairs. Dr. Velasquez said swimming would be the best thing for my leg, but I can't swim with peritoneal dialysis. Too great of a possibility of infection. So he recommended physical therapy, which I'll begin again in a few weeks.

As Dr. Velasquez was looking at my records, he commented that I've been through a lot. Yessir. Type 1 diabetes, hypertension, surgery for a detached retina, cataract surgery, surgery to correct a hemorrhage in my eye, a dozen bouts of laser surgery to stop eye hemorrhaging, stent surgery, triple-bypass surgery, dialysis, broken hip socket. And all the accompanying paramedic visits and hospitalizations. He called me "a brave lady," then said it's a wonder I'm still here.

It's a wonder to me too. I am so weak and worn-out most days that I just don't know as if I can take the next step. Doing the laundry, as I did today, is such a chore. Carrying the full laundry basket, bending over to sort or pick up clothes, and reaching to hang clothes are arduous tasks for me. Yesterday I gave two massages, and that was about at the upper limit of the my physical cababilities. Working in the community garden really wipes me out. Often walking to the end of the block and back is more than I can do. Every morning when I awake, I am a bit gigglish that I've kept death at bay for another day. The bottom line is that I could really use a kidney.

I read in the local paper about a nonprofit called Cleaning for a Reason. At first I thought they might be able to help me do the housework I need to do. Then I saw that they work only with breast cancer patients. I'll just have to plug on, as I did following bypass surgery, doing more than I feel comfortable doing because it's got to get done.

I realize that my recovery from heart surgery was protracted because I was doing more than I should have done. Had I rested and slept, I probably would have been back to normal within a week or two, but as it was, it took upwards of two months.

My hope is that, should I receive a kidney in the next few weeks, my friends will help out afterwards. They might have trouble believing that someone who is only 52 and looks as good as I do struggles with simple tasks. They may think that when I've asked for help, I'm really not serious. Whatever have been the reasons in the past, I am envisioning assistance and support following surgery so that I can enjoy a speedy recovery. Well, and of course to enjoy the presence of friends, not their email presences but their flesh-and-blood presences.

But to have a recovery, first I need surgery. ASAP.