Slipping

About two months ago, I was at my peak. I was working at a good pace at cardiac rehab without any symptoms. I had no chest pain or constriction, no shortness of breath. If only I could have had transplant surgery at that time.

Since then, things have declined. This is the first I've admitted this to anyone, out of concern that, should I say anything, I will be taken off the transplant list. My performance at cardiac rehab has gone down. I have had to scale back on both the incline and the speed on the treadmill. At night I have to sleep almost sitting up because of the chest constriction I feel if I am lying prone.

I am hoping for a miracle or a quick transplant. I have to put my energy into mind over matter, telling myself even when I am symptomatic, "It is easy for me to climb these stairs. It is easy for me to walk this distance. It is comfortable for me to lie in bed."