Playful. Intelligent. Sexy. Strange

Playful.
Intelligent.
Sexy.
Strange.

These are the characteristics I seek in a man. Sure, it would also be great if he had a job, didn't need a green card, drove stick, and could do magic tricks. But I'm willing to compromise a bit.

Do you know that I have been looking all my life for such a man and have yet to find him? I have met men who are intelligent, though they are often single-subject guys, not Renaissance men. We have great conversations about theology or psychology or science or philosophy, but where is the man who knows something about all of these and a dozen other areas too?

You see, intelligence isn't just about having an intellectual buddy. It's about finding a man who can use his intelligence to make nuanced conceits, ingenious feats of language that can be simultaneously interpreted as benign, polite conversation and as snares of seduction. Think John Malkovich and Glenn Close in "Dangerous Liaisons," though not quite so dark. I want to create a private, intimate world of metaphor with this man. So delicious, especially in the build-up to the first touch, the first kiss.

Sexy in the way he looks at me, the way he adjusts his rearview mirror, the way he slowly inches a butter knife across the table toward me in a crowded restaurant. A man who is confident but not stuck on himself.

Strange, well, of course. I don't want the average joe, but someone who is unconventional, who gives hints that he will bring that strangeness to the bedroom.

And playful, yes, yes, yes! I would love to have someone to play with! To be silly with! To role-play, oh, how I love role-playing! And yet in my entire life I've only found two men who were capable of taking on other personalities ahd histories. Think of all the fantastic possibilities: teacher-student, car owner-mechanic, diner-waitress/waiter, doctor-patient, homeowner-handyman, foreign tourist-native speaker, minister-church secretary.

And playful outside of sex too. Someone who would find fun at every turn, whether in the produce department or the ER, whether raking leaves or changing the oil.

In my 50 years on this planet, I have yet to meet a man who is over 25 and embodies all four of these characteristics. (Johnny Depp seems as if he does, but we have yet to meet.) Actually, very few have embodied even two.

I can only come up with four men who are over 25 and are playful. What a sorry state this country is in. Everyone is so dreadfully serious.