Give Yourself a Hug!

Over the decades, I have developed strategies to boost my mood, keep my thoughts positive, and soften the blows from the external world.

As a child and a young adult, I was not as adept at this as I presently am. In fact, I was a depressed and withdrawn person up until about five years ago. When I think back on my childhood, all I see is a dark curtain over everything. My married life was also deeply troubled, and I was often in tears, though I kept my crying closeted.

Yet even then, I practiced strategies that gave me some solace. I held my pillow to my chest at night and hugged it, sometimes talking to it as if it were a friend or a lover. During my dozen years of marriage, I began thinking of it as my man pillow, as every night my husband told me to get over on my side of the bed. My pillow was my nighttime substitute for marital intimacy. I continued in this vein after our separation. This strategy, however, often made me sadder and lonelier than I had felt before the pillow embraces. It seemed to accentuate the fact that I was sleeping alone.

Perhaps five years ago--it's hard to exactly pinpoint when--I underwent a major shift. It is not something I remember willing into existence. It seems to have just happened. Despite the conditions of the outside world, I found comfort within. Unlike in the past, when holding my pillow and saying loving things aloud to myself seemed like a judgment, a criticism of my aloneness, today I feel enlivened by this nightly practice.

I say aloud things like "Heidi, I love you! I love you so much! I am SO glad I found you. You know I'll be there for you always. I will be there to support you and love you, now and always. Oh, boy, I love you!" Saying these things aloud in an enthusiastic voice, hugging myself, and rubbing my chin against my shoulder bring me so much joy, and I find myself grinning and glowing. It's hard to say exactly why that is. Perhaps it is as if the man who is matched to me in all the world is speaking through my voice, is sending me love even though we have not yet met.

More than this, it's the God Within that is speaking to me, the I Am Presence. I am connecting with this, and it feels so incredibly good. I don't believe I've ever felt so good about the support I've gotten from a lover. No, this is far beyond the feeling I have ever received from an intimate partner. And I am so very grateful for this unconditional, ever-present love.

Of course, I am human, folks! It would be the most amazing thing to be sleeping with the man who is matched to me, to give him all the love I've got inside and to open up to his love for me. I see such a relationship as a prayer, as a conduit to the divine. I know that one of my life tasks is to create a sacred, sexual relationship with this man. But if he does not appear in physical form, then the spirit that is being sent to me is still a great gift.

Related to this strategy for mood enhancement is saying softly to myself when confronted by discouraging health reports or personal rejection or some other disappointment, "I am loved, I am deeply loved." When giving someone a massage, I often think these words. The person on the table is in a relaxed, receptive state, and so this affirmation penetrates the layers that most people use to "protect" themselves, when in fact they are really hurting themselves by blocking love. I strongly encourage everyone to give these words a try. Very powerful.

So self-hugs and verbal affirmations are two of my tricks. More to come in future posts.