Feeling Lousy and Wondering What to Do About It

I continue to feel lousy. Not that I haven't felt lousy for a long, long time. Almost a decade. It's just that it gets more and more difficult to put on a strong front.

Through continuous chest pain, which I have experienced since 1999 or thereabouts, I have generally projected a positive, everything-is-fine outlook. Now with fatigue, shortness of breath, nausea, and constant pain in my entire mid-section, especially over my kidneys, it is getting harder and harder to smile and carry on as if nothing's wrong.

Today while teaching class, I was out of breath. Just from walking about the room and writing things on the board. And all this is prior to surgery!

When the surgeon asked me yesterday if I needed a note for my employer, I told him that I planned to return to work the Monday following surgery--three days afterwards. He said that most people take the entire month off. He then said something like, "There's nothing like surgery to help you understand your limitations."

I have always pushed myself, never wanting to take the easy way out, as most Americans these days are wont to do. But I just don't know how all this is going to shake up. I mean, I've only taught two class sessions--one yesterday, one today--and I'm already exhausted, ready for the semester to end. But the end is not until the end of May! Can I really muddle through?