The Beauty of Small Talk

I really enjoy small talk. This may seem contradictory to what I wrote yesterday about wanting depth and intensity in my loves and my friendships, but it isn't. You see, though I'd very much appreciate having a lifelong partner or a lifelong friend whom I would see and interact with on a daily basis, I derive a great deal of satisfaction from brief, pleasant, cursory exchanges with strangers or acquaintances. Especially since the words exchanged are by and large positive, often compliments of one sort or another.

I have a bunch of these encounters every day, and they bring me joy. Chatting for 30 seconds or maybe a minute with other dog owners during my four-times-a-day walks with Rasputin. A few words with store clerks or with neighbors. Going up to a woman who is exotically or beautifully attired and telling her she looks fabulous, as I did a few days ago to a young, tall, thin, grocery-shopping gal with a short black dress and a coon's skin hat. Or longer exchanges, like the visit I just had with Teri and Carolyn at the journalism department office. They are such sunny gals, and I always enjoyed talking with them when I worked at Cal State.

These light and easy conversations bring out the best in people. They are not loaded down with heavy emotions or drama; they are like water flowing in a gentle stream--no obstructions, no frenetic energy, no expectations, no clinging to the person after he or she has gone.

As I move about the world, I will work at being even more present during these moments, keeping the intention that these positive meetings reinforce the spiritual grid that holds humanity together. A few pleasantries with a neighbor, clerk, shopkeeper, waiter, dog owner, or salesperson have a ripple effect. We both depart with a little glow, a fondness and a hopefulness, and we each bring a spark of that to all the other encounters we have that day. In this way, small talk is like Bondo, strengthening the grid, increasing the world's love vibration.

In particular, I must be attentive to my interactions with service personnel. So often--perhaps 90 percent of the time, maybe more--they are not paying attention and so make mistakes or ask questions I have already answered. Instead of calling them out on their mistakes and their faulty information, I need to increase my love vibration. Most of the time I know what to do anyways, and I don't need their help. So if they give the wrong information, that's OK, because I'm not counting on them for advice anyway.

This is particularly true of the nurses at the peritoneal dialysis clinic. They frequently give erroneous or contradictory advice, and I'm always making a big deal about their mistakes, which of course causes more problems. I just have to let it go. If their false info causes other patients harm, then it is up to those patients to do something about it. My trying to improve things hasn't improved anything, so I just have to let it go. The frustration and anger I've displayed regarding these matters have not done me any good. I have to keep things light and easy with the staff, and if I really can't figure something out on my own, I can ask the doctor.

Another positive way to approach small talk is to consider it a wonderful gift. When one's family and friends are not around, God sends strangers to us to make light, happy conversation. The trick is to realize these gifts every time and every day. To appreciate the light and love of humanity that shines through these transitory meetings.