Any Suggestions?

I was rejected by a prostitute.

I hadn’t known this was possible. Isn’t a prostitute supposed to do anything you want—for a price? Isn’t a prostitute the last refuge for the ugly, the misunderstood, the deviant and the gross? Granted, I’m not an expert on this subject. In fact, this was my very first solicitation, and I was shut out before we even met.

I found this man on craigslist. Where else, huh? My friend had recently moved a thousand miles from her home and was having fantastic luck with craigslist, averaging three dates a week. As I’ve only had two dates all year, I thought I’d give Craig a try.

I corresponded with a few raunchy men—I couldn’t seem to locate any decent ones—but none of them stepped up to the plate and suggested we meet. My sexually satisfied friend had strongly advised that I stop making the first move, as I had asked five men out this year. Two had come up with I’ve-got-to-wash-my-hair excuses, whereas three had stood me up. Not a great track record, so I took her advice and played coy, which also yielded nothing.

Then I saw “Massage with guaranteed orgasm.” For just $75 an hour, Jim would come to my apartment and provide two services, let’s call them A and B. His ad said he would work with any woman and had recently pleased a 75-year-old. I wrote to Jim, expressing my interest in A, but not B. Truth be told, B has never done anything for me, whereas A figures prominently in my fantasy life. Jim replied that I needed to find someone else, he wasn’t interested.

Rejected by a prostitute, who would’ve thought!

Not sure where to go from here. It’s been nine years since a man shared my bed and seven years since I shared his. And this man died in April, so that road is blocked.

What else can I do but continue to be the tall, thin, beautiful, vibrant blonde I am and to keep my heart open for a man who might notice? And, please, if you have any suggestions, let me know.