Well, this year breaks that long dry spell for love. I am head over heels in love with a male, and he's head over back paws in love with me. He happens to be only 10 1/2 inches tall and weighs a mere 13 pounds, but he brings me more joy than any man I've ever dated. He doesn't judge me or criticize me or try to control me, unlike the men with whom I have had relationships. I feel completely relaxed with him, again unlike the tension I always felt in these relationships, my body and my mind bracing for the next emotional blow, the next put-down. And when I have cried in front of Rasputin, he looks at me with such deep compassion, a look that I am not sure I have ever seen in a human being. He doesn't look away or at his watch, he doesn't fidget or give me some "shut up" message. He listens with all his heart and soul, and then gives my hand a sweet, little lick of love. What a sensitive guy!
Here's a photo taken today of Rasputin eating a pupcake, a teeny non-sweet, made-especially-for-dogs cupcake. How silly is that!
This past Thursday was a rather typical date for me. Joe and I met for our first--and only--date at a crowded bar with live music. Not the best venue for engaging conversation. Joe was angry, as almost every Republican I've ever met tends to be. He yelled in my ear about how he's perfectly fine with our government imprisoning without charge, torturing, and killing innocent people as long as it keeps him safe. (He didn't explain how doing this keeps him safe.) And he went on and on about how the Bible says women are to be subservient to their men. He also spent a good deal of time telling me I should have worn high heels and a much shorter skirt, trying to control me from the get-go. And for an hour and a half, I remained calm and poised, sipping on my club soda. (Yes, one club soda. Interesting that when he got out his money to pay the $6 bill--he had club soda too--I could have sworn he laid down a ten. But I remember thinking, "He's going to say it was a twenty." Sure enough, when the change came, he was even angrier than he had been. Strangely, he said that he had been gipped out of $5. Hmmmm...He bullied the waitress into giving him another ten. As Aaron said later, "Boy, he made money on that date!") He then wanted to sit in my truck and "talk." In other words, Joe wanted to make out in the parking lot and figured I would be thrilled at this prospect because he had been such a delight all evening and had wowed me with his big spending! I just smiled and said, "No, thanks, I better get going." He repeated his suggestion, grabbing my ass, and I repeated my refusal and drove off.
My policy for many years has been to say yes to any first date because 1) I am so infrequently asked out on a date, and 2) I want to stay in the land of the living. But Joe has done me a great service. He has made it clear that I need to say no to a great many first dates, perhaps all of them. It's one thing when a date isn't fun, but when it's downright painful, it's time to reassess. Actually, the way Joe was talking, if it were up to him, people like me would be imprisoned without charge, tortured, and killed.
And from Joe's perspective, I was no doubt a tremendous waste of his time. So from my point of view and from the guy's, I've got to change my policy. From now on, if someone from a dating site asks me out, I will ask him during our initial phone conversation, "When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? Tell me about the last playful or silly thing you did." Because I want a man who is in love with life, not angry with everything under the sun. I told a massage client this, and she quipped, "Why don't you just ask him if he's a Republican?"
